I'm the devil of all :(

The guilt in me will never goes off. I initiate the plan, the plan started, i put my brother into trouble and suffering because of me. I was unable to fork out that sum of money, that was all my bad. Instead of suffering alone, I pulled my brothers into the picture and the situation is aggravating. I have no choice but to look ahead of what it takes. My brother cared for me and started with the planning because i can't fork out that large amount of money, instead, i put him into difficult positions. Now because of just a small problem, everyone seemed moodless. I know i cannot turn back time anymore, what i can do now is to stop thinking about it but i just can't. Bro, i have eyes to see what you have done for me this time round, i know you love me, i know you won't see me at wit's end, i know everything you have done for me. I'm grateful to you, really but i don't know when can i repay you back. Things might go even worst after today, if i had not started it, i guess we're all enjoying as a group drinking and chilling as a group at any thai disco. I changed the bond between everyone, i only have myself to blame. I really cannot sleep, even though i'm having mock maths test tomorrow. My brain is always circulating and the thought of the consequences haunted me. I really don't know what to do instead. Fuck it, i'm the destroyer :(
What i wish now is that she would not mind what i will be telling her tomorrow because i really don't wish to hide anything from her anymore, yea i'm a bad guy ,i know it . I'm a gangster with what people say as rotten apple. Yes, i agreed :(
I'm really hopeless, just because of my own benefits, everyone fell apart !
i sucks to the core :( To all brothers, i'm really sorry for what had happened, i cannot forgive myself

Selfishness

These few days, i have been having bad encounter whereby people showed more of their selfishness. I really don't understand why some people likes to trodden people all over like a carpet just to relish themself. Human are born with dignity, pride and many other qualities yet some people don't even show a basic respect for others. Does companion really mean alot? Is there a need to quarrel over something which can't be undone even with a solution? I guess some people really enjoyed themself at the sufferings of others. This way, people will hate you but they are willing to tell you what exactly went wrong. For some of the unusual ones, they are born to be stubborn ass and they still insisted on being right. I'm really tired of all this. Why am i seemed to like being trapped in something which is indescribable when i have a choice. I have sorted out things like that, i choose to draw a line for what that i think that is beneficial to my well-being.

A bad day

I seemed to found myself really sensitive to fur-like stuff. Everytime i step out of limsheng's house, i always sneeze like nobody's business. Been mugging really hard recently because major examinations are just 1 month away :) nothing much to blog about, i don't wanna post any pictures because my hair sucks right now. It doesn't seem to be growing! WTF ! I want long hair! wahaha

Split personality

I'm really vexed. I really don't know who shall i turn to right now. Sometimes i don't really know who am i. I always have a feeling of mishap. A feeling of uneasy happenings. A feeling of freedom being taken away at any point of time. At times i always tell myself that i'm a student yet sometimes the greedy overtakes. I'm sitting infront of my com pondering what i really want in life. A uncomplete family, a uncomplete personality, a uncompleted pictures of relationship. Looking back, I really wish that i will not be at the starting point because the ending point is unpredictable. I do not know when can i stop. Whenever the thought of stopping came across my mind, the thought devilish part of me comes back. What i really want is not a type of notorious glory anymore, i have grown up i always thought, not letting my mum worried but i've not changed a single bit of my life. People say like father like son, i don't believe it but it seemed to be true. I don't wish to follow the footsteps of his, neither do i want a life of poverty. I want to do well in my studies and live the life openly, without having worries on the knock of my door at anytime even during my sleeping hours. Mind never rested in peace, Eyelids never stop twitching, heartbeat never rest like normal ever since. I can't stop, neither would i want to continue but i have no solution right now! Fuck it! Life is a puzzle! i just can't fix it back to normal now! i really wish i could buy a new set and start from the 1st piece again.....I just want a simple and ordinary life like the past

Motivated mr kong

Recently i'm so motivated to complete my tys. I don't know where exactly this force came from, peradventure the fear of failing o level and being abase by people. LOL! Life has been rather hard nowadays because i got to wake up early in the morning and open up my pages and kiss it till the late afternoon and head to gym. After gym i have to reach home early to pressurise myself to complete it again. I wanted to break the record of last year. :) Mugging real hard now! Apart from doing revision, sufficient rest and exercise is essential to our body too :)
Mug hard guys ! My team spirit :) LOL! GTG to GYMING :)

fatigued lifestyle

hey people, i'm at safra right now. I'm super bored . I just bought e63 but found out that actually the function is not bad. Haha, can use msn in any part of singapore as long as my phone is on. Haha! Shiok right! Simon is beside me now and he id playing l4d . nowdays got nothing to blog about. But i just know that i just knew a nice girl :) haha! Didn't expect her to change so much from the past . Everyone had a past but it all depends on what the future might

Pines day

Worked at the pines with jason, you cheng and cheng hui. After working we wanted to take 502 home but had no choice in the end because that route is not covered by 502 :( We took 105 to jurong east instead and changed bus 335 home. Chatted with cheng hui for the whole journey and realised that she had changed for the better ! Which is a pretty good news yea :) Just a word of advice to her " Don't ponder upon the past that remains, but on who are the ones you can depend on" . Haha! alright after that went home took a shower and went to suncity for some party baby!
Hehe :) Every night is a party night for me!

QinBao's 18th Bithday at 72 Generation!

QinBao and Amanda
Billy and Samantha
Wassupp peepS!
Qinbao was forced to go up for some hard liquor! 5 SEC!!!
Effect came~~~~~
2 Jokers !
I look relax only right! :)
:)
Whole Group ! Cheers !

Billy, Me, Justin!

Fillings

Hey morning, today is kimpo's birthday uh ! haha later gonna have some fun already. I'm so hungry right now! it will be good if somebody brings up a packet of noodle for me :) Yummy , hahaha
Alright , lets change the topic.. .. .. . . .
Argh , . . .. .. . . .. . Feelings
Why do i miss you when i didn't got to meet up with ya?
Why i feel like calling you at night?
why do i feel uneasy when you're busy out with your male friends?
omg omg omg omg !
Why do i ? why do i ? why do i ?!?!?!!?!?!?!

State of disarray

I'm in a state of confusion right now because prelim is round the corner and i'm not really well prepared to fight this wall. Sigh, somtimes i look into the mirror, why am i so lazy this year? No answer to this stupid question. LOL! Well, i really need to work harder this year , 3 more months only people! Dear teammates, we definitely can succeed! You know what i'm refering to yea :)
Haha! Alright i'm very tired now, friends at home, gonna turn in at 10pm after night phone calls !
Good night peeps!

Great leaders were trained under great pressure !

Peradventure Love :)

Alright shall let the pictures do the talking bye guys!
West coast park on 1/8/09

Live it !

Hey all babes and punks! I know my blog should be dead by now. The reason that i'm not blogging is because my phone can't really upload photos to my computer therefore i can't show to my dear readers! Well, life has been rather hectic and exhausting for me because of the upcoming prelims. In the beginning, the speed of my brain is like the pace of how the chain works in a bicycle but it is different right now because i have managed to trained it to work like the speed of a normal motorcycle. Hopefully by october i can successfully modify it to V8 engine? LOL!
Alright enough of all these nonsensical stuff, i started blogging to day is because recently i have not been feeling really alright. I feel that something is not right in my life and i finally found out the root of the problem. Let me start from here. Basically, respect is very important in social life and it is perfectly alright only if you are rude to someone with valid reasons. Sometimes, i do really feel that i really owe you something and i cannot figure it out what is it. It had been years and you have not changed your mindset. Mind you! I don't owe you anything!Use your pea brain and give it a shake before throwing those fiddlesticks out from your mouth! :) Thank you so much. I was wondering about something right now, why does some people in this wonderful world has so little friends? Can someone tell me? haha! If you're in this wonderful situation, most probably there is something wrong with your character?This is my theory. Maybe? It is precisely! Frankly, have anyone heard that two leaders cannot click? How can two leaders click well when both have headstrong character? Alright enough of ranting so much things when everything has came to such conclusion. I have no hard feelings but this is just part of my view according to my basic human living theory. So yea ! I have just taken my lunch and i can't kiss my bed becauseeee it will be fat! Alright lets stop the criticism! I gonna study soon! Shall update tomorrow !hopefully with pictures! Loves**

Reminisce

Oh gosh I'm fucking tired right now because i just came back from gym not long ago. Had taken my shower and now sitting infront of my desktop. Actually I've stopped blogging some period ago but out of sudden i feel like blogging because i miss somebody right now. In the past few years, I have this very good buddy who goes to gym with me and we share almost all our secrets and we can do anything under the sun together but he is now inside. There was one very morning when i forgot he went inside the remand, i called his phone and actually wanted to ask him if he wanna meet me for breakfast but i stopped for a second when his line could not be through. Then i realised that i forgo that he was already inside serving his remand. Man! I've not change my blog song ever since because he was the one who taught me how to copy those links and stuff. 1/7 is his next court and i hope that he will get a second chance. For me myself, I don't hope for much because one of my leg is already in the RTC i guess? Haha! Choy !
LOL!! I just hope that those freaking fuckers don't give me a call for my next court date :)
Alright good bye! i gonna surf the net and look for movies :) Take care humans!

Gym Life !

Yoyoyoyoyoyo !
I'm going back to my usual gym life now and its like damn fun can!
In gym, you don't need a buddy. All you need are friends !
Well, after so long i finally realised that actually grinding with the metals are sometimes better than grinding with girls !
Wahahahaha
maybe i'm a lil crazy over it yea :)
Building in process :)) a lean build baby!

Like a paper note

I have been really busy recently because many things was left undone and i can't find the usb cable to transfer my pictures over to my com. I'm at lim sheng's house right now . I blog just to vent out something that is deep inside my heart right now . If i have the chance to make you believe in me once again, i'll cherish this chance, definitely . Alright firstly i know very well that i'm someone who speaks whatever stuff that comes to my mind and i don't really give a damn at how you feel but after so many times of being let off, i'm slowly adapted to this kind of situation and unknownly finding myself climbing over your head. I believe out of 10 quarrels, 8 quarrels were started by me and i'm at fault and i knew it :) its just that i don't want to admit that i'm in the wrong. You gave me so much chances but i didn't amend my ways until i saw that msg that special night. Indeed, i can't sleep well that night, many stuff came to my mind and i was thinking of better ways to solve those problems instead of asking you to fuck off immediately :)haha! Seriously, i really don't know that life has been so hard on you when i was not there by your side holding your hands to guide you through the dark path and hearing you throw whatever nonsense you want on me. Hmm, i was actually leading a carefree life without having to care about anybody during that period but i realised that it was meaningless. No point . That was the only thing that came to my mind. I always try to pretend that i don't care, you know it very well that mr kwt is a sore loser . haha . BUT actually i do care alot, yea. Hmm What i wanna say right now is that i sweared to myself that i will not scold without reasons and give attitude without reasons. That is the promise i will give to you and all of my close ones :)
Whatever it is i still hope that i'll be the paper to be there for you when you have things to write and so that i will know how is your everyday life , like a diary :)
take care my love drink more water flu ass :)

:(

Hey there! finally i have the mood to blog today, i have some pictures but all my pictures are in my laptop. Well, i really can't stop myself from thinking about the negative things. Every single i live is like i'm taking for granted, out of sudden i feel that i am such a failure. I really don't know what i want in life, perhaps its time for me to sort out my thinking and i really need someone to be there for me and knock some senses into me! Afterall, i feel so fuck up !
Why are humans taking advantages over each other? Why Why Why !
Why do you only think of me when something happens!
Maybe i'm jus thinking too much, nobody cares about me other than my own close clique!
Who am i going to turn to when i'm in trouble? who understands me! Fuck it!
For whoever it is, please don't come to me only when you have problems thanks.
Will anyone wants someone who doesn't care for you when he/she is happy outside and when problems occurs, you're the one he/she will turn to and he/she ask you for help?
Think about your actions :)

In a state of unstability . . . .

It is 9.49 pm now and i am sitting infront of my computer and staring into the blanks wondering what kind of results will i get for my mid-year exams. I just don't know why i always have this kind of "can't afford to lose" attitude and it is really getting on my nerves. Now, a mixture of feelings lingered through my mind and i am really losing on that little glimpse of hope. I know it has been very long since i last blogged but there is a reason because i am really busy handling some personal matters. Lets begin with my day, I came back to school at around 2pm and slept on my sofa while waiting for jason. He reached my house and we did our cme projects. I find that the project is really ridiculous but we have no choice for our CME teacher is our school's DM. alright, we went to jurong spring macdonalds and had our revision. I just came home and there is nothing else:) I shall end it here, i think i will start blogging everyday from tomorrow onwards if i am free . Stay tuned peeps/earthings !

Drumming!

Good night everybody, now is already 12.30am and i'm on my bed using my lappy. Lets talk about my day spent at hazwan's house. I came back home from lim sheng house in the morning and i met up with acer,jason,asraf and limsheng and headed down to hazwan's house. We enjoyed ourselves there because of hazwan's drumming set. Although it was fun but i was so fed up with myself because i realised that my body coordinating skill is not very good and i feel that i look like a retard whenever i didn't manage follow the beat. We left his house at 7pm and we went back to 442 and had our dinner. Anyway, lets stop talking about what we did today because i know that its getting a little bit boring:) Alright, Sometimes we can know what a person is like when a crisis strikes and by then you'll be able to know who is your true friend and who is not :( Whatever it is, we still have to hang on there and be cheerful no matter what happens other than the falling of the sky. Haha!
Alright here are some pictures that i have taken for my CME project recently. Mind you, i really look really ugly in uniform !haha school boy yo!hahaa

Exciting everyday life

Hello every earthing! I'm finally free today as there are nothing much to do today. Life has been rather great for me since then but i'm really cherishing everyday and i live according to "live like there is no tomorrow" theory. Recently, i just bought a LG secret from a friend, a nice phone and i love it ! Hmm, i'm really in fear now because my mid year examinations is just round the corner and i'm slacking like nobody's business. I guess i will not be shocked even if i fair badly for my mid year exams :) This morning, i had physics test and i left 1 whole question in section B blank and i knew i am going to be in hot soup soon :( But who cares ? Guess what, I wrote something really stupid on my physics paper, i wrote "Before a person suceed, he must fail first" LOL! I know this is hilarious but i enjoyed it ! oh god, maybe i'm turning crazy soon because of all the crazy stuff that i have did recently. Today is 14th april and god has given me almost 1 month to enjoy, I really cherish it and hope that my I.O will not harress me and would not hinder me. Knew this guy weeleong for several years, pray hard for you bro Thanks jovan and weeleong for the company at west coast!
All of us will be fine i think ?hah! We are both acting, don't be offended! haha
This woman has been giving me support, encouragement and never fails to wake me up every morning for school. She has been there for me whenever i need her although we quarrel all the time. She has been working night shift everyday just to make ends meet and i can see that she just hang in there just for us but me, as a son, is not obedient and creating many nuisance day and night. :( Mum, I'm really sorry I'm eating !

unpredictable future

oh gosh, i have not been blogging because there are too many things happening, my another good friend just got caught and i'm really wordless right now. Thinking of the times that we used to laugh and scold each other no matter what topic it it, it all changed and nobody knows what will happen to us in the near future. Well, i know it myself that i'm already a laughing stock to many because of the things that i have done despite knowing that some of my friends have already been caught but i did not expect him to be the next dumbass although he looks like a blockhead all the time. I believe everything is predestined and i do believe in fate this time round. I'm now using my lappy on my bed and my room is dark, when i close my eyes, i will start to see flashbacks of us slacking together and scolding each other. These are memories and it meant alot to all of us because i dare not think of what will happen to all of us in the future. Will there be a day when we all sit down and drink together like what we used to ? Will there still be times when we are slacking at a quiet place and having heart to heart talk? Hopefully yes. Without noticing, we have already knew each other for 6 years and the days when we went for our trainings happened as if it was just yesterday. Bro, i am really praying silently for your return and hope that things goes well for all of us! This year is really not a good year for us to be loitering around and doing nothing because when our mind are free, we tends to do things without knowing that it will lead us to grave consequences.
Think before we act ! Time is not the problem, for we will still be the hero that we longed to be one day, trust me.

Well prepared

Now i'm at lim sheng's house, i know it has been days since i last blogged. I've been enjoying all the food and times with my good friends this while and it has been a memorable one for me. Well, today is already saturday and i'm going to report on this coming wednesday and i'm well prepared for it. I really appreciate all the love and concerns from whoever who had showered on me during this very short period, it is indeed a memorable experience in life. Haha! Alright lets talk about what happened yesterday instead. My work ended at 10.30pm and came to lim sheng's house, met jason, acer, hazwan here and we slacked inside his cosy and hotel-like room. Thereafter, we ordered macdonalds delivery and enjoy the food. After eating, needless to say, smoking time and some of us went out to poolside and drink champagne. I had such a bad encounter yesterday, these few days, every now and then i would help my friend to manage his cleaning services at west coast market. I'm supposed to look after the workers and collect money from the stalls at 10.30pm every night and i would help to collect plates during the busy hour. When i was helping out yesterday, a family of indians wanted to give me a tips of 30 cent. WTF! It was damn insulting for me and i think they might think that i'm a china foreign worker there. I was really pissed off! But at least it is a way of earning, so its okay.
Forget it, know how to die and you'll know how to live !
HAHA!

Zouk tonight!

Haha! tonight will be a happening night with ykid and his bro and sis, hmm shall name it cousin night? Haha:) I think i'm lagging behind lessons and i need to buck up on my studies soon if everything goes on smoothly yea. Anyway, i just came back from english mid year oral and i reckon i did badly because my picture interpretation skill sucks :( Tomorrow is weeleong's and yongxiang's court and i'll be attending to see what is the outcome like so i can try to predict what will happen to me if i were to be charge in court. At least a little bit of preparation for myself. Laugh!
The very least i can do as a friend is to pray hard for them and hope that they will get a lighter sentence. I shall end here, pretty bored today as nothing unusual happened.
Below are some pictures that were taken by cassandra angkasa and some old pictures of my clique.
Like fierce only hehe
Warriors!Haha!
Candid by cassandra

Seize the day, or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to Ache over

I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry
These streets we travelled on will undergo our same lost past

I found you here, now please just stay for a while
I can move on with you around
I hand you my mortal life, but will it be forever?
I'd do anything for a smile, holding you 'til our time is done
We both know the day will come, but I don't want to leave you

I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry (a melody, a memory, or just one Picture)

Seize the day, or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to Ache over

Newborn life replacing all of us, changing this fable we live In
No longer needed here so where do we go?
Will you take a journey tonight, follow me past the walls of Death?
But girl, what if there is no eternal life?

I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry (a melody, a memory, or just one Picture)

Seize the day, or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty, and cold without you here, too many people to Ache over

Trials in life, questions of us existing here, don't wanna Die alone without you here,
Please tell me what we have is real

So, what if I never hold you, yeah, or kiss your lips again?
Whoah, so I never want to leave you, and the memories of Us to see
I beg don't leave me

Seize the day, or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty, and cold without you here, too many people to Ache over

Trials in life, questions of us existing here, don't wanna die alone without you here
Please tell me what we have is real

Silence you lost me, no chance for one more day

I stand here dreaming alone
Falling away from me, no chance to get back home

holding on to the glimpse of hope

I do appreciate all the things that my friends and brothers have done for me even though it is just as simple just spending time with me. Every morning i wake up, i told myself that the time remaining is getting shorter and shorter and i'll cherish every moments i have with my clique. Well, i'm praying for the best and also at the same time prepared for the worst outcome. Early in the morning, i went to school and approached principal, told her everything and hope that she will write me a good report to help me get off the hook. I felt much relieved when i knew that she is willing to help me. I went back home after school and headed down to that place with marble tiles. Anyway thanks wilyn for the book, i really appreciate it, loves.
Life is full of changes, this is just part and parcel of life, i will not give up although my dream has soured but i believe i'm still not at my wits end yet. Boon told me that day that people like us have to fall down and feel the pain before we can learn and i agreed, i always thought that i'm always on luck but not everyday is sunday yea :)
It's okay though, i'm prepared for any dreadful outcome so i'm enjoying my life to the max now.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe this time round is to wake me up for stronger challenges ahead in my life
enjoy life peeps! i'll try to update some pictures soon, stay tuned !

Entrance to the darkness

Hey everybody, i guessed it has been ages since i last blogged. Sad to say, i just came out of somewhere which is meant for dogs to live in and i'm going back real soon. Indeed, i was caught and my future is ruined, nothing remains the same anymore, people kept asking me why i did such thing but how many people really understand why i do this and fuck, this will result in a scar that will stick with me for the remaining part of my entire life. Nobody knows the difficulties that my family is having, nobody knows how hard my life is, that penny can really save my stomach from hunger for 3 days, or even more, but the consequences is unbearable. Frankly, can anyone tell me whether a 18 years old boy like me have the courage to face my family members anymore when i come out of prison. Yea, i told myself that that job will be my last job but i didn't expect it to turn out to be the turning point of my life. A last job, introduced by friend, lead me to darkness and living in spartan condition. A moment of folly or rather greediness, lead me to a life time of regret. Everyone said no matter the distance, we'll still be brothers or friends forever, but this is not the main issue, what i'm concerned about is my family members and you. You asked me what are the things that i can't let go? you know it yourself:)
I dare not think of my future, because i no longer have the future anymore, only darkness which i dare not dream about. May it be 1 and half years or 2 years, or even a few months with the cane, i'm not afraid of the loneliness but i'm just afraid of the mishap that might happen to you,my family members and all my brothers and friends outside. The canning process will take at most 2 weeks to heal up, nothing much to worry although i don't know whether will i get such a heavy sentence or not, but now the only thing i know is that my hard work for every test and exams has came to no end, everything became rubbish now! After prison, will there still be outside willing to employ someone like me? will there be any girls out there willing to have a husband who has scars on his butt? So can anyone tell me who am i after i come out later in life? everybody went on with their life, i'm like being trap inside a time machine and its my age that is ongoing. Afterall, i scold you and all in the past, i still care for you, you're the first person i called when i came out of lock up, hope you find your happiness outside yea. I know its totally impossible for you to be with me again because you won't want a useless boyfriend too :) yea haha, its okay, i don't ask for much, do write to me if i really go in alright dear. All my brothers, I really hope that everything is fine, i'm not trying to be pessimistic, but i have to prepare for the worst thats why i kept saying i will be going in. Who love to be sentenced to a fucking place facing four walls and drinking water from the toilet bowl? :( I AM REALLY A FOOOOOOL! FUCK IT
1/4/09 i'm reporting , hopes that people pray for me too, I'll be fine if not ..........................

Procrastination will lead to failure

Hey! I'm at lim sheng's house now, since last night. Yawn, its raining cats and dogs outside now and yet i need to go down to west coast. Kinda tired. Alright, lets talk about how was my day yesterday, Early morning 7am woke up and attended school for speech day and got my highest achiever's award for N level last year, Damn proud can! So elated when i went on stage :)
After that, headed down to vivo and then sentosa with jason tiong, woody, jia jun and yap.
Trip was bored because there aren't many girls yesterday! Haha! Enjoyed playing beach volleyball with them although we were defeated. After sentosa, went to town and met cassandra and lim sheng, cassandra seemed to have managed to slim down by a bit although no much difference.
Haha! LMAO!

Face is given by others yet it is you who got a choice to throw it away or not.
Money can be earned back easily, face and respect cannot be earned back so easily

Finally Sunshine after heavy downpour

Me and Cassandra's mum
Fuck face
Love this picture so much with jowee, you guys should know why :)
I'm not trying to act, they asked me to! Haha, no la(class outing)
Nice~ class outing
Hey! my internet was down for a couple of days and i can't blog, yea.
It was really a blessing, everyone was fine and everything ended. No more sorrows and worries, haha ! afterall, they mean alot to me and that was the reason why i was so sad that day.
Life is good now, still slacking and procrastinating, not yet to start for my revision and i know this is not the right attitude too :) I'm gonna change this attitude real soon, i trust myself!
Nothing much today, went to boon's camp to attend his P.O.P in the early morning with his mum and witnessed the discipline in the camp. Army life is not easy afterall :( i'm scare now because i'm joining the army soon, like 3 years later ! HAHA!
Ah boon was detained so he can only come out on monday, miss him, haha
After attending P.O.P, went home and slacked for the whole day, doing stupid stuff and talking nonsense sitting on that same old piece of marble tiles again -.-
Life is boring

Class BBQ last friday and Love ones

Brotherhood
Take a picture that will last longer
Hazwan!
Yingshao and maisie
Bright smile yea!Everything will be fine!

Unity is strength !

Can't bear to see

These few days had been one of the few bad moments of my life. Everything happened so sudden and everybody was taken aback. Everything seemed so fine the day before, planning where to go after this and that but ended up in such a situation whereby everybody got so worried and having insomnia. My heart sank as if it weigh thousands tons when i knew what happened and it seemed like thousands of needles piercing through my heart because i really can't take it. I really hope that this is a dream and i'm willing to wake up earlier to prevent everything from happening. I miss the days when we were playing blind mice, i miss the days when we had party, i miss the days when we joke around like nobody's business, i miss the day when we played dota and gamble but i know everything will be different from today onwards:( Inconsolable
I can't sleep tight every night, the memories that we had in the past kept wondering about in every corner of my brain, tears rolled down, heart seems like it is bleeding every second. Although things turned out the way we doesn't want it to be, we still have to live positively and everything will be fine. Brothers, trust me , i'll wait for you guys if it is really going to be a tradegy. I know all of you are putting on brave fronts and laughing so that the rest of us will not be worried but what we had is not just friendship, but brotherhood. I have tried very hard to put on a smile infront all of you but its time to cry out to make myself feel better.
Hope that things turn out well, Love and take care guys!
Too many things to do, yet too little time, no matter the distance, we'll be brothers forever , Right?!

misundstood

hey ladies and gentlemen!, haha now is 9am early in the morning and i'm sitting infront of my com like a junk kid because i've yet to shower. I didn't attend school because brother woke me up at 7.10 and i doubt i can make it to school by 7.20 so i continue sleeping. When i was in deep sleep, mum came home after working and start nagging like nobody's business and she didn't even get her facts right right. She didn't know how i feel when she said : "You didn't attend school every now and then, you think your father is the principal of the school?if you really don't feel like studying then go and work factory now!Everyday don't want to go school,don't know what you want!"
My heart broke, just feel like crying, your words really hurts me. From the way you nagged, you sound like you have a useless son who is nothing but a burden to you, but have you ever thought of the times when i got my achievements? Almost every class test i did well, but i didn't tell you, even if i tell you, you will say its not O level right!So whats the point of telling you about my monthly test results? You were not there whenever i do my homework, i did my homework in the afternoon, you woke up during the evening and just see me either slacking infront of the computer or i'm out. I don't need you to pamper me, but i really hope that you get your facts right first before scolding me. This year is my O level, I mugging hard, i don't need encouragement and the unwanted sarcarsm from you thanks. Trust me, we shall see :)

I do homework, you sleeping,
you wake up, saw me going out,
every now and then saw my cigarette on table,
didn't even compliment me for my achievements but only nag me on my mistakes , fuck it
yea perhaps i'm really just a junk kid that nobody wants

Head over heels in ...............

Hey guys! I'm in freaking good mood today! I just don't know what was the cause of this but i'm feeling really good. Today tuition was canceled due to some personal reason and i have been trying real hard to read as much as possible. Spent a splendid day swimming at jurong east complex with jason and acer, although the weather doesn't seem good in the early afternoon but it became sunny when we reached there. Spent the other half of my day slacking at jurong spring cc but came back home at 8plus. I have made up my mind, i shall organize BBQ to celebrate my 18th birthday! ohh, i can't wait for that day, anticipating! Actually wanted to type out notes for geography but was fatigued today so will be doing it tomorrow. I'm now waiting for feng rong to come over because i'm effing bored now looking at my moniter like a moron, listening to music and dancing on my chair. LOL :)
What jason told me was right, all of us are still complacent now and we should change our attitude towards studies. And frankly, what is the big deal here when you're good in your english? You're getting on my nerves because you exudes an air of arrogance in class and trying to show others that you are flamboyant in your english?come on, you're nothing but a pile of unwanted waste in the eye of waithong :)
Better wake up your idea and be humble.
Last but not least, manage your eye well, stop looking at unnecessary things :) as everybody knows it

As usual

Oh dear everyday is the same, slacking at the void deck and letting my butt rot on the marble tiles after school. This is how i spent my teenage years :( it is kind of sad for me though .
Haha, but what to do ? With the current pocket money of mine can bring me to nowhere except that place. I actually wanted to spend my coming birthday at one of the pub which daryl had introduced me but i discard that idea because i feel that i should organize a BBQ so that my female friends can join in the fun and its time to withdraw some cash from my savings although i promised myself that it is only for my bike license but i reckon its worth it this time round. I've failed myself because i promised esther that i'll read at least a quartar of the book(The Green Miles) but i have just started with it and i'm just reading page 60 :(Haha!
Well, its time to start packing up my books and worksheets to prepare a condusive enviroment for myself because its already march and its time to start revision!

Afterall, its my fault, this time round, it does'nt takes two hands to clap :)
I just can't stop myself from looking at that direction even though the feeling has faded. Perhaps it has became a habit of mine but certainly time is all that needed :)

Mesmerised by your smiles

Felt so empty today, went back home from school and took afternoon nap.
Everything was alright in school but i realised i hate geography this year.
Tracy was teaching at a pace of a hayabusa and i just cannot figure out what she is trying to do.
Life was tiring during every geography lesson but left with no choice :(
I got so irritated by the vibrations of my phone because woody kept calling me while i was sleeping. Woke up and went to have dinner with Quan Chun,Tiong and Woody at market.
After that we headed to JSCC to do abit of revision for POA. Yap came out of nowhere and joined us and we left our notes aside.LOL
Then acer came to my house to slack because he didn't wanted to go home as he hates his father like how i hate geography.
HAHA! alright i know i'm kinda lame.
Amy said that my blog looks like essay writing because of the correct sentence structure and all.I'm not using a camera phone now so i don't really get to upload pictures nowadays.
Anyway i really hope that the prize that i'll be getting on 14th march from the school will be a cheque prize rather than some stupid popular or harris bookstore voucher-.- because i really need cash for my 18th birthday on this coming 20th march.
Do wish me happy birthday !Haha!
Its time to turn in and tomorrow will be a better day :) [Hopefully]-.-
Looking forward to this friday Class BBQ~
A new lease of life free from worries and sorrows!

Mistakes done cannot be undone

A fun day out with germaine and limsheng to vivo.
Night event ended.
Surprisingly, the friend who always managed to cheer me up and console me whenever i was down was troubled and having difficulties to deal with his psychological problems.
Mistakes done in the past during the rebellious periods of teenage cannot be undone anymore, what we can do now is to amend for our mistakes and be success in whatever things that we do.
Be it academically, social life, jobs and etc.
People often judge us by our appearance and the way we present ourselves in public, not knowing how we feel even though we have tried our best to change for the best.
Right, its really stupid to ponder upon the past, but why people still choose to sit down in one corner of the room and do soul-searching instead of having fun outside with his/her cliques.
Friend, i know you're feeling down but but i do really want to see you bring your smiles out like how you did in the past. I've never seen your smiles after you went for army, maybe there were times but those were nothing compared to the memories of our past.
You're the one who stood by me when i need you the most , thanks for everything brother.
Do cheer up and look ahead of you instead of thinking about the mistakes that you've done.
I believe you're mature enough to know what you want in life and don't disappoint your parents.
Take care, i need to study now .......
Lastly smile like what you did in the past, seeing you in sorrows and tears, my heart really hurts

Short-term memory leads to impulsive actions

Oh god, today was the first day soaking myself in perspiration after recess this year.
I joined classmates for basketball match as one of them said that i was a good basketball
controller last time when i was in basketball team.
Thanks for the compliment dude! i appreciate it but you've flattered me too much because i
always felt that i was a burden to my team.
After matches, went back to class and did chemistry practical test. Oh god, i did not know that woody was able to help me with my experiment!I was pretty surprised when he managed to
fill in the blanks in the test paper given by erwin soo despite his absence for school recently.
I really had bad memory, I actually took what happened yesterday as what had happen today and i pointed middle finger at her for no reason and I only realised it when I reached home this afternoon.LOL! I'm so guilty right now for scolding her for no reason again:(
I admit i was really in the wrong because of the miscommunication in us but i guess this friendship is uncertain anymore.
Tomorrow will be a tiring day! :)

Sleepy

well, lets start from today's event. Daily routine as usual, woke up at 7, showered and went to school. joey made for me sushi yesterday and brought it to school for me today. Appreciated although the sushi does not really taste delicious. I have been wondering why is it so fun to have a blog last time when friends around me all began creating blogs of their own. After creating, I finally realised that actually blogging is not really that fun, it is just another way of killing time as it is raining cats and dogs out there, i can't go anywhere, therefore i blog=)
I just don't understand why things always happens in a way as such when you don't need something, it automatically appears in front of you but some things just can't be yours even when you have tried really hard.
I might seemed to be laughing and smiling all the times, actually deep inside me there is always a certain level of stress, frankly i'm still unsure of my academic positions although i got top for N level last year. I admit that I'm someone who hates to lose and I'm a arrogant person and this attitude limits me from my achievement because i always thought that I'm clever by nature. English has always been a problem to me since young and i hope that creating this blog, i'm able to express how i feel everyday and hopefully improve my english in the long run .

Boredom

Bored day