Feel

The sudden urge that made me feel like blogging is the feeling that haunted me after you came to my life on 6/12/2008 . Although you left me after awhile, we still remained as good friends. I have always told myself that you have gone for long but I'm here to stay. Although it has been over a year, I still could not figure out what he has done so much that he could make you love him so much and as if you would topple and fall if he leaves you one day. Yes i admit, i do not want to be just a friend to you, i wish i could still cuddle and hug you like i did. i miss your sweet voice whispering to my ears saying you love me. Every now and then, i would think of you because you are etched in my heart. I did try to love another girl, but no matter who she is, she still could not let me feel the love that you could because you're my first love. Although you always cry and come to me, i still comfort you like i always do because i care. Well, life still goes on. We humans have the most right which is the freedom to choose, I have my say and you have yours. I always smile and tell you that i think of life positively. However, do you really think that I'm so easily contented and all? Do you think that i can let go of you so easily? Don't you think that we are more suitable? Don't you think that you're making yourself suffering more now by doing things that you don't like to do? Don't you think that I shower you the most love? Well, it doesn't matter as long as you're happy. I told one of my ex, once i leave i will not return anymore. I hope this will not be the phrase that you'll be telling me. Whenever we meet, i always look you in the eye and the same question pops out. "Aiden kong, why are you secretly meeting SOMEBODY'S girlfriend now? Ain't she supposed to be your girlfriend?"
If you have to go, I can't stop you. However, I'll still wait here even though the world reckon that I'm a fool .

I'm the devil of all :(

The guilt in me will never goes off. I initiate the plan, the plan started, i put my brother into trouble and suffering because of me. I was unable to fork out that sum of money, that was all my bad. Instead of suffering alone, I pulled my brothers into the picture and the situation is aggravating. I have no choice but to look ahead of what it takes. My brother cared for me and started with the planning because i can't fork out that large amount of money, instead, i put him into difficult positions. Now because of just a small problem, everyone seemed moodless. I know i cannot turn back time anymore, what i can do now is to stop thinking about it but i just can't. Bro, i have eyes to see what you have done for me this time round, i know you love me, i know you won't see me at wit's end, i know everything you have done for me. I'm grateful to you, really but i don't know when can i repay you back. Things might go even worst after today, if i had not started it, i guess we're all enjoying as a group drinking and chilling as a group at any thai disco. I changed the bond between everyone, i only have myself to blame. I really cannot sleep, even though i'm having mock maths test tomorrow. My brain is always circulating and the thought of the consequences haunted me. I really don't know what to do instead. Fuck it, i'm the destroyer :(
What i wish now is that she would not mind what i will be telling her tomorrow because i really don't wish to hide anything from her anymore, yea i'm a bad guy ,i know it . I'm a gangster with what people say as rotten apple. Yes, i agreed :(
I'm really hopeless, just because of my own benefits, everyone fell apart !
i sucks to the core :( To all brothers, i'm really sorry for what had happened, i cannot forgive myself

Selfishness

These few days, i have been having bad encounter whereby people showed more of their selfishness. I really don't understand why some people likes to trodden people all over like a carpet just to relish themself. Human are born with dignity, pride and many other qualities yet some people don't even show a basic respect for others. Does companion really mean alot? Is there a need to quarrel over something which can't be undone even with a solution? I guess some people really enjoyed themself at the sufferings of others. This way, people will hate you but they are willing to tell you what exactly went wrong. For some of the unusual ones, they are born to be stubborn ass and they still insisted on being right. I'm really tired of all this. Why am i seemed to like being trapped in something which is indescribable when i have a choice. I have sorted out things like that, i choose to draw a line for what that i think that is beneficial to my well-being.

A bad day

I seemed to found myself really sensitive to fur-like stuff. Everytime i step out of limsheng's house, i always sneeze like nobody's business. Been mugging really hard recently because major examinations are just 1 month away :) nothing much to blog about, i don't wanna post any pictures because my hair sucks right now. It doesn't seem to be growing! WTF ! I want long hair! wahaha

Split personality

I'm really vexed. I really don't know who shall i turn to right now. Sometimes i don't really know who am i. I always have a feeling of mishap. A feeling of uneasy happenings. A feeling of freedom being taken away at any point of time. At times i always tell myself that i'm a student yet sometimes the greedy overtakes. I'm sitting infront of my com pondering what i really want in life. A uncomplete family, a uncomplete personality, a uncompleted pictures of relationship. Looking back, I really wish that i will not be at the starting point because the ending point is unpredictable. I do not know when can i stop. Whenever the thought of stopping came across my mind, the thought devilish part of me comes back. What i really want is not a type of notorious glory anymore, i have grown up i always thought, not letting my mum worried but i've not changed a single bit of my life. People say like father like son, i don't believe it but it seemed to be true. I don't wish to follow the footsteps of his, neither do i want a life of poverty. I want to do well in my studies and live the life openly, without having worries on the knock of my door at anytime even during my sleeping hours. Mind never rested in peace, Eyelids never stop twitching, heartbeat never rest like normal ever since. I can't stop, neither would i want to continue but i have no solution right now! Fuck it! Life is a puzzle! i just can't fix it back to normal now! i really wish i could buy a new set and start from the 1st piece again.....I just want a simple and ordinary life like the past

Motivated mr kong

Recently i'm so motivated to complete my tys. I don't know where exactly this force came from, peradventure the fear of failing o level and being abase by people. LOL! Life has been rather hard nowadays because i got to wake up early in the morning and open up my pages and kiss it till the late afternoon and head to gym. After gym i have to reach home early to pressurise myself to complete it again. I wanted to break the record of last year. :) Mugging real hard now! Apart from doing revision, sufficient rest and exercise is essential to our body too :)
Mug hard guys ! My team spirit :) LOL! GTG to GYMING :)

fatigued lifestyle

hey people, i'm at safra right now. I'm super bored . I just bought e63 but found out that actually the function is not bad. Haha, can use msn in any part of singapore as long as my phone is on. Haha! Shiok right! Simon is beside me now and he id playing l4d . nowdays got nothing to blog about. But i just know that i just knew a nice girl :) haha! Didn't expect her to change so much from the past . Everyone had a past but it all depends on what the future might