Split personality

I'm really vexed. I really don't know who shall i turn to right now. Sometimes i don't really know who am i. I always have a feeling of mishap. A feeling of uneasy happenings. A feeling of freedom being taken away at any point of time. At times i always tell myself that i'm a student yet sometimes the greedy overtakes. I'm sitting infront of my com pondering what i really want in life. A uncomplete family, a uncomplete personality, a uncompleted pictures of relationship. Looking back, I really wish that i will not be at the starting point because the ending point is unpredictable. I do not know when can i stop. Whenever the thought of stopping came across my mind, the thought devilish part of me comes back. What i really want is not a type of notorious glory anymore, i have grown up i always thought, not letting my mum worried but i've not changed a single bit of my life. People say like father like son, i don't believe it but it seemed to be true. I don't wish to follow the footsteps of his, neither do i want a life of poverty. I want to do well in my studies and live the life openly, without having worries on the knock of my door at anytime even during my sleeping hours. Mind never rested in peace, Eyelids never stop twitching, heartbeat never rest like normal ever since. I can't stop, neither would i want to continue but i have no solution right now! Fuck it! Life is a puzzle! i just can't fix it back to normal now! i really wish i could buy a new set and start from the 1st piece again.....I just want a simple and ordinary life like the past